Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
