she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
