I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
