One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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