Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
