I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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