Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
