I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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