my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
