Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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