can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Pooping to opera.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
