Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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