She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
