so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
