There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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