the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
