the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i think i scared a bird with my dick
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
