brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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