Don't you send me to vm
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
