Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
