I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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