I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
