Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
