great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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