My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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