I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
