He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
