Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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