Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
