so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
