I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
