I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
NoShamevember. You game?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
