i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
