Don't make out with my wife yet
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
