flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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