And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
