This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
