They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
