You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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