I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
