Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
