I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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