hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
