and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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