yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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