toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
