Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
