need another drink. this is the easiest way
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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