I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I didn't notice because vodka
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
