Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
