have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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