Don't you send me to vm
it hurts more in the daytime
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
