I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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