I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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