walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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