Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
