So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
