I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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