i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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