I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
