Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
