Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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