I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
