I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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