i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
