Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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