I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
