yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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