If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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