It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
