Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
