Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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