that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
