I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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