I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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