Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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