people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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