ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
