i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
