Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
