1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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