Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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