You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
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My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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