i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
