I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
