I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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