I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
